Cassie’s Insomnia and Heard From the Kid’s Room: Needs vs Wants


Posted by Candy | Posted in Heard From The BackSeat, Illnesses | Posted on 21-08-2012


Disney 2012 Mobile PhotosOne of the things that they teach the kids in school is about needs vs wants. For instance, food is a need and a video game is a want. This is a big unit that they work on in 1st or 2nd grade. Cassie has been having MAJOR sleeping issues for the past month. We broke down yesterday and took her to the doctor who gave me about 30 ideas, 28 of which I had already tried. But we decided to go back to basics. One bottle of water with her, white noise machine is on, darkened room, chapstick on once. Usually none of this is an issue, but for some reason last night it was. I think she was anxious because the doctor ordered a blood draw (more on that in a minute).

Anyway, so the screaming started. “I’m not tired. I can’t sleep. It’s not fair. No one likes me. You’re mean. I need more water. I’m just thirsty. I just want more water….”

“The school says that water is a need and not a want!!! You’re mean and it’s not fair!!!!!”

Yeah. We cracked up. I ended up going in there and telling her to knock it off, it wasn’t fair to the rest of the house and I didn’t want to hear another word or she was grounded. She could read or whatever she wanted, just no screens. So, this morning all 3 of us had elaborately drawn apology letters. Sigh. No idea how long she was awake, but she apparently had time for that – and she said she woke up at 4 and drank more water.

So, we got up early this morning and headed to the place for the blood draw. She actually was a real trooper, I thought it was going to be a HUGE problem, but she held up really well. I was proud of her. Usually if someone gives her a shot or anything else, I have to dig her out of the dark corner of the examining table or it takes 3 or 4 of us to hold her down. She managed to sit on my lap, sob quietly, and it was over in like 45 seconds. Who knows if the blood draw will actually show anything. I don’t know if this is a rut we can’t get out of or what is going on, but I’m completely and utterly exhausted.

I’m sure everyone will respond again with 900 different ideas. Trust me, we have tried just about everything under the sun (my friend is getting samples of essential oils to me today so we can try that – LOL). We don’t think she’s worried about anything in particular. We can’t pin anything down. So, onward we go until we figure it out or I go insane from lack of sleep myself.

This is the letter she wrote me at who knows what time last night. It says

“To: Mommy, From: Cassie”
“Sorry for last night! I made these in my time cuz you said no screen so I wrote alpgies. I am veyr sorry about last night. I am very so please accept my alploze. PS I am using my best handwriting”


I’m obviously near the end of my rope here.

Family and Friends – what matters – the personal side of my hospital stay


Posted by Candy | Posted in Illnesses | Posted on 13-04-2012

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I don’t want to rehash the whole thing and those of that follow me on Facebook already know, so check out the link we posted on my business blog about what has happened over the past week or so. It’s been a very emotional week.

The worst is that I spent a lot of time in denial. Denial about having to go to the ER. Denial about being admitted. Denial about how long I’d be there. Denial about what it will do to my work out schedules. Denial about how they’d have to do surgery, about how long it would take me to recover, you name it, I was in denial about it.

I’m better now, but I’ve reached kind of a disbelief place. I’ve spent the past 10 months of my life busting my butt to lose weight, change my life, change my body, get exercising, eat right, move, treat myself the right way… and now this. Three months is a long time to recover – and they say I won’t be full recovered for 12-18, just that a lot of my restrictions will be lifted by three months. We all worked SO hard to get to go to Disney and now I’m not sure if that’s possible. Surely it is, right? I will find out at my doctor’s follow up on the 26th.

BUT… I must tell you that I have the most amazing family and friends. Several standouts though… my sister hopped on a plane with very little notice and flew nearly 1300 miles to be here – even before we knew if there would be surgery – so she could help with the kids, help run the business, take care of the kids and make sure everyone got to school. My neighbors made sure my kids had a ride to school while I was hospitalized and had somewhere to go after school. Two very dear friends each took a kid Easter night and when we realized we forgot to prepare a basket for them in the hoopla… they went shopping and made SURE my kids had an Easter basket. Seriously. They DID THAT. One even realized I must be feeling so lonely and left out so brought all the silly Easter stuff up to the hospital and let me help put together the basket for my daughter. One is even going to the post office, dealing with all client mail and checks every single day.

THAT is friendship.

But they didn’t stop there. My dear, sweet and amazing neighbor made homemade soup. I hadn’t realized what a problem meals were becoming for us. There are 3 adults in this house, but I am useless after a few minutes of walking around (I fall asleep randomly, it’s SO much fun), Tom is trying to nursemaid me, deal with school stuff that comes for not only the kids, but himself (they are heavy into STARR testing timing). Marcy, my sister, is nursemaiding me, making sure the kids get to and from school, helping me keep my business afloat, the house, etc etc. It’s crazy around here and between the exhaustion and pain meds, I’m basically no help at all. The kids are doing what they can too, but dinner has become a huge problem. No one wants to cook. Everyone is so tired. We’ve basically been grabbing what ever food looks edible, sometimes resorting to pizza. Everyone in this house is doing what they can, but we all seems to be burning the candle at both ends. My neighbor apparently even told a few other neighbors that if they felt like helping, I was open to it. A few couldn’t cook anything, and honestly, that”s perfectly okay too, but a few bought a gift certificate for (whomever thought of that is a genius, they go to take out – real restaurants – and deliver at home!) or Subway gift cards. I’m floored that people care this much. It’s not the money either, it’s just that they thought of some small way to help in a bad situation.

This is hard for me. It’s hard for me to ask for help. I want to be able to do it all. I am super woman. I can do everything and anything all at once. I can do it! Especially something as basic as feeding my family, but the harsh reality is that I can’t do it all. Not even close. So I did something hard for me today. I accepted a group of my friends that started a menu planning thing. They are going to bring meals (mostly freezable that I can put into my freezer) by now and then for me so we have one less thing to stress about). This whole thing has been a major strain in our lives. It’s been SO hard. So I swallowed my silly pride. I know I like to help others and I’m going to accept their help too. Graciously.

When stuff like this happens it makes me realize just who in my life mean so much to me and where the love that fills my heart every day really comes from. Thank you all for reminding me that it’s okay to to let others help and it’s okay to accept it too. Major thanks for being amazing friends and family and being there. Especially those that have driven from other towns even to deliver help, or something as simple as visiting with me for a few minutes so I don’t feel lonely. I’m lucky to have amazing people in my life and please know that I’m very aware of us. My heart is full.