The scale made me cry


Posted by Candy | Posted in Misc | Posted on 26-02-2012

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Almost exactly a year ago, I stepped on the scale and cried. I realized that it was time to stop doing lip service to healing from this disease of obesity that had taken over my life and to actually to do something about it. I was frustrated with the constant circle of failure, upset with myself for being unable to control my weight and completely bewildered by what I knew I had to do to get myself healthy. I cried.

This morning I got on the scale and cried again. But for a completely different reason. Today, I am (quite literally) 2/3 the woman I was then. In the 8 months since I acted on that extremely difficult decision to have weight loss surgery (see my post in early December), I’ve lost 125 pounds (yes, you can do math, yes, I did just share “that number”). Let me say that again. I have lost 125 pounds. 125 pounds. I’ve lost another adult. I’ve lost 25 freaking bags of flour. It’s been very hard (again, I say anyone that thinks this is easy is obviously an idiot or insane LOL)

In a few more pounds I will no longer be considered “morbidly obese” and will simply be “obese”. Dropping that “morbid” word is significant to my brain for some reason. I cannot remember the last time my BMI was under 40. I realize I still have a lot way to go to get out of that obese category, but I started this insanity at “super morbidly obese”. I cannot believe I got that big and I cannot believe at how my life has changed. Since my 100 pound update, I’ve noticed more changes… in how I move, how I sit, how I carry myself, how I feel. I no longer worry about fitting anywhere. I feel somewhat like a normal person. I can buy clothes at ALMOST any department store (plus size still, but hey, I’m not limited to just a few stores). I can longer buy “Just My Size” underwear.

Okay, the underwear thing deserves it’s own paragraph here. You guys can laugh all you want. Go ahead, I’ll wait… done? Yeah, so I’ve been wearing JMS undies for FOREVER. I like the way the white granny panties briefs fit. Hey, I’m a pretty simple girl here. Well, I’m now below their largest size. I’ve bought at least 20 different brands/styles and I can NOT find one that doesn’t make me crazy or ride up in places it has absolutely no right being. I am majorly struggling with this and I’m wearing baggy drawers! (Yes, I know Hanes should be the same, but they aren’t. ARGH!) Okay… laugh again. Go ahead. Sigh.

Seriously though… this has changed my life. It’s changed my marriage (it’s true what they say that a bad relationship just gets worse and a good one just gets better, and mine has never been better). It’s changed my family, my friends, the way I look at the world, the way I look at other obese people, the way I look at skinny people, the way I feel about myself and everyone around me.

So… I’m feeling brave from being high on the adrenaline rush this has brought. Be kind, I’m still pretty sensitive about sharing this…. but this is my heaviest photo from May 2011 and my photo tonight (tired from a crazy night, but it’s all me LOL). This is what 2/3 of a woman looks like. This is what a 125 pound loss looks like.

My hair may be thinner, but so is the rest of me. My hair is growing back in, but my waist is just getting skinnier by the minute. I am wearing size 34 pants and a 5X shirt in that first photo (yes, really). The the 2nd is 24 jeans and a 2X sweater. Yesterday, I wore a size 22 slacks. Life is good.

Comments (18)

OMG Candy, you look so good. I would like to say some things to you and yes I am crying while I am typing.

You know that too I have had PROBLEMS with my weight growing up. When I saw your journey with this I saw me. I have tried everything and when I would think I as on a roll I would gain back. You have been on my heart and brain a lot lately. I would like to let you know that I too have started my journey. I look up to you and always have (not just being the shortest in the family). I konw that the lose is for you and only you but You actully showed all those people that told you “NO” to take a “flying leep”. I am so proud of you and you look so good.. I love you and can’t wait till I can do the same..

Keep it up Candy.

oh i forgot..

Lane Bryant, they have some very cute and sexy undies.. I love the boy shorts.

Amazing Candy! I am so proud of you!

I have watched your progress on OH and now I follow your Blog here. You’re story is so great and I love to read how well your’e doing. The part about good marriages getting better is a wonderful observation and one I will go share with my own hubs in a few minutes. The underwear thing is a HUGE thing I know…word of save some $$$, check out (and dont laugh, the AHHHH Bra’s as seen on TV) They work! They saved me SO much money as the girls shrunk down and I am still wearing them today. Lane Bryant will not get another penny from me! Keep up the AMAZING WORK!!!! It is a pleasure to see your journey from afar and I know you’re an inspiration to many!

Truly inspiring and amazing!

Simply amazing and very inspirational Candy!

Candy I am so very proud of you I know how difficult it was to do. I love the way you keep everyone informed of your progress and your wonderful sense of humor while you are doing it. I am trying to convince my daughter how much better her health and outlook would be if she lost the weight also. I am sure you have inspired so many people by your efforts. Keep up the good work. YOU CAN DO IT.

Candy…..”You’ve come a long way baby!”. I’m so proud of you!

Endlessly proud of you…

You look fabulous! Really, just flat out wonderful … I am so very happy for you and really admire you for taking what I know to be a tremendously hard journey and sticking to it. I can’t wait to hug your neck in Orlando!
Terry Green´s last [type] ..Online Support Specialists – A True Lifeline for Speakers and Coaches

Shirley – pressuring her (and I know you think you’re not, but trust me…) won’t help. People come to weight loss in their own way with their own pasts and their own journey. When she’s ready, she will, but there’s nothing you can do to make her or “help” her. Weight is a tough issue. It’s the addiction that you cannot hide. The world sees it. It makes you very sensitive to others involvement. Just my 2 cents.

Elizabeth – thanks, I’ll check it out!

Deanna – not sure what your journey will entail, but I think no matter how you lose weight, you have to be willing to lose the emotional baggage that comes with it and deal with the past that made you that way. That’s the hardest part. I was in such denial that my problem was only food. It goes way deeper than that and being willing to accept that, put myself in counseling and being open to dealing with what made me fat is what is making the difference. The surgery is just a tool for me. The weight loss is ALL me. I had to get rid of any toxic people from my life and keep my own outlook in check. I believe that positivity breeds positivity, as you know. In order to cultivate that, I have had to make some hard choices in my life. That process started for me when I was 18. It’s taken me 19 years to come full circle and truly deal with the “elephant in the room”. Good luck, stay positive. Log every single thing you put in your mouth ( is awesome), exercise and log it and go do you.

Candy, I am so proud to call you my daughter on so many levels. You have always been a go getter, sensitive loving person. ( with a twist of warped humor) but, hey look at the family ya came from! You are always there for me and I thank you everyday you just don”t hear it. You are a strong woman with great ambition and the biggest role in life, a great mother. Keep up the positive thinking and it will all come into place for you as I know for you this is not just about losing the weight. Love you girl..Moma

Candy, you look FANTASTIC!!! Really awesome!! I’m super proud of you!! I can’t imagine what a difficult journey this has been and I’m in awe if your strength – both in doing this & sharing it!! Congratulations girl – SO happy for you!! xoxo

Beth (Mom)… thanks. I love you too. You taught us to be strong women with great ambition and to kick butt. And you get to own that warped sense of humor too! Love you, mom. Thanks for being such an amazing cheerleader and for always teaching us to find out what we want and go for it. And yeah, this is about so much more than weight… it’s about life.

Candy–you have seriously transformed yourself in every way. Could. Not. Be. Prouder. So much deep, hard work. Thank you for teaching me so much and listening to my naive skinny girl questions and giving me honest answers so that I can learn and understand. You’re the best.
Chris Heidel´s last [type] ..Is Getting Fit a New Year’s Resolution? You Might Want to See a Chiropractor First

Candy, You look incredible – I am so proud! ;) keep it up!

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